Confessions from 1,000 Workaholics

“I was in Mexico, in the middle of the ocean, thinking about an email.”

“I realized I had worked the past 10 weekends.”

“I wasn’t able to sleep because I had an unfinished task.”

If you recognize yourself in any of these statements you might be experiencing workaholism, which University of Georgia professor and overwork expert Malissa Clark characterizes as the inability to disconnect from your job — to the point where it takes over your thoughts and actions, detracting from other aspects of your life.

Through a survey distributed on social media, we asked members of HBR’s global community to describe the moment they realized they were addicted to work and, if they’ve taken steps to recover, to explain any solutions that worked for them.

In more than 1,000 responses, readers shared how they let work infiltrate their bedrooms at night and hijack vacations during which they’d hoped to unwind. Numerous people noted that their “aha” moment came when they realized they were neglecting the activities and people that they loved.

For many of our readers, this was far from a minor obstacle. Some said that workaholism turned them into someone they didn’t recognize. Others said their addiction to work brought their mental and physical health to the brink.

Lightly edited versions of their responses are shared below, grouped by theme.

I can’t disconnect from work.

One common thread we noticed was constant connectivity. Sometimes this took the form of needing to be tethered to technology. “I am addicted to checking my work email all the time — workdays, weekends, nights, vacation. Literally all the time. I hate emails piling up,” said Ather, a finance manager in Dubai, UAE. Ranjeeta, a student adviser in Hyderabad, India, noted, “I started replying to my emails at midnight.” And an anonymous regional operations manager shared, “I chose to run with my work phone instead of my personal phone just in case I needed to be reached.”

In other cases, the problem was an inability to take any time at all away from work. “I always work on holidays…even when it’s after hours,” said Yosi, a lecturer in Jakarta, Indonesia. An anonymous reader added, “I take my work with me on vacations. I don’t take the days off and ask for remote work instead.”

I can’t stop thinking about work.

For many others, thoughts of work are constant, even when they’re away from the office and devices. “Even during sleep I dream about work,” said an anonymous reader in Singapore. A consultant in Frankfurt, Germany, confessed, “When I was alone over the weekend, and there were no work tasks to do — which is not typical — I realized two things: It made me sad, and I didn’t know what to do instead.”

Several people said that incessant thinking about work drove them away from other satisfying pursuits and relationships. “I would refrain from engaging in activities I enjoyed if it meant me being away from my computer for more than 30 minutes, because I was constantly worried about not being available should a problem arise — even during off-hours,” recalled Terry, who works in sports and entertainment in Los Angeles. “Even when I was at home with family and kids, I would always have some work-related ‘problem/solution’ exchange going on in my head and would get ideas on how to interact with a boss or superior,” an anonymous lecturer said.

I put work ahead of loved ones.

The act of deprioritizing friends, family, and other loved ones in favor of work appeared frequently in our responses. “I started distancing myself from my hobbies, friends, and family to get more work done,” said an anonymous reader. “I was at a party at 1 AM,” said another, “and I had to go to the parking garage to take a conference call.”

What may have started as an infrequent habit for many readers turned into a cycle of neglecting family. “I skipped my son’s spring concert at school because I had to complete urgent work on deadline. My whole life has been ruined by moments like these because I choose work over my life. I feel like I’m caught in a time loop over and over again with no solution,” admitted SJ, a bank vice president in Dallas, Texas. Barnisha, a marketing manager in Kolkata, India, said, “I never sat at the table with my family for a single meal.”

Jan, a registered nurse case manager in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, even missed a parent’s last moments of life. “I felt obligated to go into work to finish up a few tasks before visiting my father in hospice care, and he passed away before I got there.”

I put work ahead of caring for myself.

Work addiction caused many of our respondents to also disregard self-care, which often had long-term impacts on their physical or mental health.

“I was prioritizing work over everything, including basic daily tasks like showering or cleaning my house,” said an anonymous consultant from the UK.

Telly, a higher education president and CEO, offered a similar story. “During the pandemic, I was working from home and any final barriers between work and life balance were deteriorated. I got up from the couch one Saturday afternoon to respond to an email from my desk; nine hours later, I realized I had continued working, not even taking time to eat, rest, drink, or use the bathroom.”

Mairin, who works in labor relations in Edmonton, Canada, returned to work too soon after an injury. “I wanted to get back…despite not being well enough to do so. I disregarded the doctor’s restrictions and overworked — and took on others’ roles when people left the organization. This set back my recovery, but I still prioritized work,” she concluded. “My need to prove my worth is what drives me.”

Megan, a proposal manager in IT from Arlington, Virginia, put herself in a different type of danger. “I hadn’t slept all week because we were on a deadline and my boss was pushing me to ensure that we met it. I was super tired but also hungry one night, and I went to grab some food. I never made it to the McDonald’s because I fell asleep at the wheel. That experience scared the s— out of me.”

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A few more readers also described significant health scares.

“A couple of months ago, there was some severe weather early in the morning. The road out of my neighborhood was blocked by fallen trees and I couldn’t go to the office, where I’d left my laptop the night before,” wrote Mike, a consultant from Florida. “When the realization set in that I couldn’t get to work, I started to have a panic attack. A tornado had just come through town but I was freaking out because I couldn’t check my emails. I didn’t even have anything important to do that day!”

An anonymous project manager in Cape Town, South Africa, shared their own devastating moment of realization. “I collapsed at work two years ago due to multiple seizures caused by total burnout. I almost died; I still have no recollection of the event, my time in the hospital, and the two months after being discharged. I realized that work had taken over my life when the psychologist asked me who I am and the only identity I had was my work self.”

How to Break Free from Workaholism

A handful of readers shared simple but potentially helpful recommendations. For example, set — and stick to — boundaries around time, and take breaks, including for real vacations. One anonymous consultant from New York sets personal appointments they can’t get out of. Another suggested adding “feeling good and not exhausted” as a success metric.

Bigger moves are an option, too. Several readers suggested leaving workplaces that encourage workaholism — or taking a sabbatical, if possible.

Experts also advise experimenting with digital detoxes (for example, consider hiding your work phone when you’re spending time with your family) and picking an activity you enjoy and scheduling time for it every week. Clark offers several more practical recommendations, including resetting your workaholic “clock” so that you stop underestimating how long tasks truly take and being willing to do whatever it takes to get them done.

One thing was clear from our readers’ stories: It’s an ongoing struggle to recover from workaholism. In the words of the project manager whose overwork led to multiple seizures: “The journey has not been easy and is still a daily challenge because I still feel guilty when switching off — that I’m not good enough, and I’m letting people down at work. So, I have to remind myself daily that if I die tomorrow, my work is not going to matter. Business will continue, but the lives of my loved ones will be changed forever because they lost me.”